If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me, “you’re being really hard on yourself, Sarah” I would have a lotta dollars.
I thought it was the Christian thing to put myself down, to judge and critique and criticize myself in the name of “humility.” I allowed myself to say harsh things to myself about myself, and I received this inner bullying as a normal way of being. Until I learned it wasn’t normal. And it wasn’t Christian.
Turns out, the inner critic’s voice is strong with this one! And it can sure be loud and mean. But the voice of truth is a voice of Love. And compassion is always, always better than condemnation.
As we continue our series through the soul-searching questions Jesus asked,1 we find ourselves today with the woman caught in adultery, her accusers ready to hurl stones.
Jesus is also caught, trapped, his accusers ready to strangle him with the law.
Because that’s what can sometimes happen with religion. It can become a justification for condemnation. But not so with Jesus.
He pauses, lets it grow silent, then declares that sure, they can throw their holy stones. But only if they’re not guilty of breaking any laws themselves.
And everyone walks away, one by one. (Don’t you love that it’s the oldest who go first?)
The woman is finally left alone with Jesus. She is safe and secure and seen. He asks her where her accusers went. “Does no one condemn you?” She looks around and says, no. And he tells her, “neither do I. Now go and sin no more.”
We like to rush quickly to the “go and sin no more” part because heaven forbid we forget that! But today, let’s pay attention to all that happened before.
Imagine, if you will, the scene unfolding. Jesus welcomed the woman into his presence. He kept gentle eye contact. He bent low and made her feel safe. He looked at her with love. He saw the person underneath the accusations. He gave compassion, not condemnation.
Shame never turns us toward the heart of God. It always turns us away.
Jesus didn’t use pointing fingers or judging words to call someone out of sin. It’s his kindness that leads us to repentance.
I remember early in our dating relationship when I was berating myself about something and Paul sincerely asked me whether there was anything I could actually change or whether it was the voice of shame. (And that’s why I married him folks!)
As I learned, and continue to learn, there is a GIANT difference between conviction and condemnation:
Conviction is the voice of the Holy Spirit, nudging you toward confession and change.
Condemnation is the voice of the enemy, bullying you into fear and shame.
In today’s Passage+Practice+Prayer, may we allow Jesus’s compassion to quiet the voices of condemnation.
May you receive relief from the badgering, berating sounds of the “crowds” (whoever they might be for you) hurling accusations like stones.
Or, if your own worst critic is the one in your head—if “who condemns you” is, in fact, you— then may you be freed from that voice too.
Above all, may you know how deeply loved you already are.
With peace,
Sarah
“We don’t need to prove ourselves to God. We don’t have to do anything at all to be acceptable to him. That is what Jesus came to say, ‘Hey you don’t have to earn God’s love. It is not a matter for human achievement. You exist because God loves you already.’” —Archbishop Desmond Tutu
Who Condemns You?
John 8:2-11
At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery.
They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.
Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
A PRACTICE
Name the shame
Something I’ve been developing lately is my shame detector—my radar for sniffing out that sneaky, slimy, shame-y inner critic. She’s the voice that nags and bullies and points fingers and throws stones. Paul and I jokingly call her Vicky (no offense to any real Vicky’s out there, I’m sure you’re much more kind than the Vicky in my mind).
This somewhat silly practice of giving a name to the voice of shame helps me to remember that she’s harsh and accusing and doesn’t speak with love. This is not what God sounds like.
If it would be useful for you, practice developing your own radar for recognizing your inner critic. Listen to the thoughts that run unchecked through your head— what do you say to yourself about yourself? If you’re subtly or brutally putting yourself down, let the alarm bells sound. (You may want to invite someone you trust to reflect back to you how you speak about yourself).
Do a regular internal shame check and notice any unkind voices, harsh words, accusing fingers, or condemning stones aimed your direction. Hear Jesus’s grace-filled question, “Who condemns you?” and allow his acceptance and compassion to wash over you.
Rinse and repeat.
“Do you know how much I love you?”
“Do you know how proud I am of you?”
“Do you know there’s nothing you can ever do to take my love away from you?”
“And do you know who loves you even more than I do?”
-a little homespun liturgy I say to the boys
A Prayer
To bless your own inner critic
(Place a hand over your heart as you speak these true words aloud)
I am one in whom God dwells and delights2
I am one who Jesus walks beside
I am one with whom the Spirit always abides.
Amen.
“Exhaustion, burnout, and depression are not signs that you are doing God’s will. God is gentle and loving. God desires to give you a deep sense of safety in God’s love. Once you have allowed yourself to experience that love fully, you will be better able to discern who you are being sent to in God’s name.”
—Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love
P.S.
Our next Monthly Prayer & Practice Group is coming up! On (Maundy) Thursday, March 28th at 3pm EST, we'll enter into a time of reflection on the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ. If you would appreciate a guided meditation to lead you into your Good Friday and Easter Weekend, then this one is for you! Register for free here.
I’ll be sharing some poetry and practices from my Holy Week Guide. Consider this your LAST CALL to order one so it arrives by Palm Sunday! With a daily poem, practice, and prayer, consider these pages your companion for walking purposefully with Jesus as He walks toward the cross.
If you missed any of the weeks in this Lent series, our Jesus-questions thus far have been, What are you seeking?, Do you want to be well?, Why are you so afraid? and What do you want me to do for you?
With a nod to James Bryan Smith for this first line