I want to know what my sons want. I need to know what my sons need. Sometimes I’m desperate to hear what their little hearts desire. Whether they’re whimpering and whining or excitedly bouncing and begging, I wish they could use their words to tell me what they’re asking for.
At a year and a half old, they have no filter for their “wanter.” They can’t turn it off or temper their desires. Their longings don’t hide beneath the surface. These guys have no metric for deciding if they “should” or “shouldn’t” want something. They don’t hold back or measure how they express their needs. They can’t help but be as honest as they can be.
Today, we hear Jesus ask another probing question,1 “What do you want me to do for you?” And he doesn’t just ask it once but twice, in two very different settings.
First, we find the brothers James and John approaching Jesus with a shockingly bold demand. Next, we find Bartimaeus crying out in helpless desperation. Notice the nuances of the disciples’ posture and request compared to the blind beggar’s posture and request. (I love that the gospel writer Mark paired these scenes side by side!)
In both stories, it’s clear that Jesus wants to know what they want. Jesus doesn’t tell them what they “should” or “shouldn’t” want, or that he already knows what they want, let alone what they need. Jesus instead invites them simply to speak their longings out loud.
I don’t want my sons to stop wanting. Yes, I may need to redirect or clarify or help them understand why I can’t give them each and every desire. But my heart isn’t for them to turn off their hearts.
I don’t want them to hold back, I want them to ask. And I want them to trust that I want what is best.
I can’t think of a single time when Jesus squelches someone’s desire. He welcomes every request, even when he knows something different is best.
What if we don’t need to tame our wanter, we need to trust our Giver?
In today’s passage+practice+ prayer, may we find the boldness to ask without holding back.
As deeply loved children, may we allow ourselves to freely express our heart’s truest desires.
May we believe that our wanter isn’t wrong or flawed. And may we trust our Giver to know just how to respond. No matter how or what we ask.
With peace,
Sarah
“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition, when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” —CS Lewis
What Do You Want Me To Do For You?
Mark 10:35-52
Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to him. “Teacher,” they said, “we want you to do for us whatever we ask.”
“What do you want me to do for you?” he asked.
They replied, “Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory.”
“You don’t know what you are asking,” Jesus said. “Can you drink the cup I drink or be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?”
“We can,” they answered.
Jesus said to them, “You will drink the cup I drink and be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant.”
…
Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (which means “son of Timaeus”), was sitting by the roadside begging.
When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”
So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.”
Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.
“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.
The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”
“Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.
A PRACTICE
One Honest Request
Jesus himself knows what it’s like to ask, even to beg. In Gethsemane we see him on his knees bleeding and pleading for life, “Father, if you are willing…” He said those raw words and got none in return. He prayed in the dark and it didn’t get light. But he asked. Because asking is what a deeply loved son does.2
So today, may you be free to just ask. No filters, no caveats. One honest request.
No need to second guess or hide or hold back or overanalyze. Just ask.
Whether you boldly demand an outlandish desire, or whether you humbly cry out for mercy, just ask.
Whether you hear Christ’s resounding yes or a “you don’t know what you are asking,” just ask.
There is no one safer than Jesus, so just ask. And leave the answering to him.
“One of the most difficult parts of faith is getting honest about what it is we actually want from God. We ask around the thing. We caveat the thing. We sometimes demand a bit of the thing we want but rarely get right to the heart of if because we don’t actually know what we’re looking for most of the time.”
—Lore Ferguson Wilbert, A Curious Faith
A Prayer
A fill in the blank breath prayer from Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd
(deep inhale)
I have all that I need
(slow exhale)
If I don’t have ____ right now
(deep inhale)
Then I will trust you to sustain me.
(slow exhale)
Amen.
P.S.
I would love to send you one of my Holy Week Guides! If you are a weary church leader preparing for Easter, simply reply to this email and I’ll send you back the digital version as my gift to you.
The beautiful hard copies are still available to ship for one more week!! With a daily poem, practice, and prayer from Palm Sunday through Easter Sunday, consider these pages your companion for walking purposefully with Jesus as He walks toward the cross.
If you missed the first few weeks in this Lent series, our “Curious Christ” questions thus far have been, What are you seeking?, Do you want to be well?, and “Why are you so afraid?”
These lines are from one of my favorite Holy Week poems. You can instantly download the digital version here.