New York City, 2020. Afraid, alone, in the middle of the unknown. 38 years old. Single, sick, and feeling very sorry for myself. Paralyzed with insecurity, wallowing in inferiority, throwing myself a pity party.
Whining my prayers, “But God, I have no one to help me.” “But God, everyone else has gone before me and left me behind.” Playing the game of blame and shame. It’s her fault or his fault or my fault. Life is unfair and I’m just going to stay right here in my limitations and lack.
Because sometimes it’s easier to be broken than choose to be brave.1
Today, we meet Jesus by the pool of Bethesda, where multitudes of invalids lay on their mats. Jesus asks one piercing question to one man and it changes his life forever.
“Do you want to be well?”
There is so much I want to say about this mind-boggling interaction, about feeling insecure and inferior and in-valid. About shame and blame. About compassion and validation for our losses and limitations. But I’m going to trust that the Holy Spirit will speak to you personally through the passage, practice, and prayer below.
Join me again in a listening posture as we continue this Lent series2 and allow Jesus to ask us the deep, soul-searching questions.
May you partner with Christ in your own journey of healing.
With peace,
Sarah
Jesus asks questions not to know answers but to know us.
Do You Want To Be Well?
John 5:2-9
“Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. In these lay a multitude of invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed.
One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years.
When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be well?”
The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.”
Jesus said to him, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.”
And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked.”
A Practice
Ask the questions beneath the question
What is your “Bethesda,” the place of your limitation? Your circumstances or situation that leaves you feeling in-valid?
Notice the man’s two responses to Jesus’ question. He presents the reasons “why” he isn’t well, what is wrong, unfair. What might be some of your own blame or shame justifications for why you “can't____ (fill in the blank)”? Where might you legitimately be hindered or held back? Present those honestly to Jesus.
What might be Jesus’ invitation to you today as you seek to be “made well”? How do you partner with Jesus in pursuing your healing and wholeness?
A Prayer
of blessing to get up and walk
May your very real limitations
Not become a justification
For your invalidation
May you not play the deadly game
Of blame
Or shame
May you want to be well
Whatever it takes
May you fight for your wholeness
And just do the next thing
May you rest in God’s goodness
And know you can change
May you trust
May you risk
May you choose to be brave.
Amen
P.S.
Monthly Prayer and Practice Group
This Thursday, February 29th at 3pm EST, I'll lead us into an exercise we'll call the Spiritual GPS. With journal in hand, we'll ponder "where am I?" through 6 reflective prompts. If you need to get your bearings and locate your soul in the midst of the craze, this one is for you! REGISTER FOR FREE HERE.