What If God Is Better Than I Ever Knew?
It matters how we imagine God
“You need to update your view of God.”
My dear mentor, Doc Martin1, had just listened to me pour out my tender heart about all the ways I wanted to try harder, how I wanted to do better, what I wished was different about me, what I needed to change. And yet, Martin’s loving response had nothing to do with my view of myself. It had everything to do with my view of God.
Somewhere over the years, I had developed an image of God that looked like a cringy mash-up of a demanding boss, a strict Sunday school teacher, a judgmental critic, and a calculating bookkeeper.
My theology knew this was not God! However, my emotions, actions, and interactions all told the story of a girl who thought she needed to be exceedingly good to please God.
The distorted way I pictured myself directly correlated to the distorted way I pictured God.
How I imagined God to be was precisely how I reflected this image of God in my own everyday life. Or as John Mark Comer says, we become like who we believe God is.2
If we picture God as critical, disappointed, distant, or withholding, then that is also the image we ourselves are becoming and then reflecting.
But, as we picture (and experience!) God as good and kind and compassionate and loving, then this too is who we are becoming and what we are carrying into the world.
It matters how we imagine God.
I’ve spent much time over the last years undoing some of these harsh, unhelpful, and, frankly, unholy views of God. It has been a journey of paying attention to my own imagination, and remembering what it means to be made in the very image of God.
In today’s Poem+Practice+Prayer, I invite you to join me in being curious about how you (actually) see God. It may say more about how you (actually) see yourself than you realized.
I wrote the poem below brimming with honest questions I’ve pondered in my unfolding experience of God. Perhaps it will help you name your own wonderings and draw you into a deeper connection with Christ.
May it be so.
With peace,
Sarah
“Never believe anything bad about God.” - Dallas Willard3
WHAT IF GOD
By Sarah Bourns Crosby
What if God doesn’t want as much from me as God wants for me?
What if God wants to love me more than to use me?
What if God likes the way I was made?
What if God wouldn’t have me any other way?
What if God isn’t mad or mean?
What if God is exceedingly compassionate toward my needs?
What if God expects less of me than I expect of myself?
What if God isn’t comparing me to anybody else?
What if God cares more about who I become than what I believe?
What if God invites me trust myself and be who I was created to be?
What if God desires my presence and my rest
Even more than my obedience and my selflessness?
What if God is curious about how I feel?
What if God asks where it hurts and if I want to be healed?
What if God delights in my desires and dreams
And doesn’t intend to take them away from me?
Yes
What if God is better than I ever knew?
What if I’m deeply loved, the whole way through?
What if there’s nothing to earn and nothing to prove?
And
What if
That’s absolutely
True
For you
Too?
A PRACTICE
Imagine God
What comes to mind when you picture God? Allow me to guide you into a short exercise of pondering your current image of God.
…
Find a comfortable silence and welcome the presence of God, whatever that might look like for you today. What do you notice first?
How might you imagine God’s face? What expressions do you see? How does God look at you?
In this picture, where are you in relation to God? As you imagine the space you take up and the space God takes up, what do you observe? How near or far away does God seem to you?
What does God’s voice sound like to you? What do you notice about God’s body language or posture toward you?
Using your 5 senses, paint a scene in your mind’s eye, allowing details of what you see or feel or sense to unfold before you.
…
Now, gently notice how you experience God in this picture.
How does it feel to sense God’s gaze upon you? How does your body respond to God’s presence with you?
How do you imagine God is feeling toward you? What might God be thinking about you?
…
Simply notice what you’re noticing. Without analyzing or judging, hold out any new pieces of awareness you’ve received as helpful information.
How might God be inviting you to respond as you finish this practice?
What does your soul want to say to the Lord?
Close with whatever honest words come to the surface for you.
Thanks be to God.
“Describe the God you don’t believe in. Maybe I don’t believe in that God either.” - Tim Keller
My friend Molly LaCroix wrote a beautiful and profoundly important new book called Journey to Shalom. As a licensed therapist and woman of deep faith, Molly sees numerous clients who are in the process of undoing harmful views of God which have negatively impacted their views of themselves.
Through the stories of familiar Biblical characters, Molly employs the best of both psychology and Scripture to walk readers out of shame and toward shalom. Her book offers powerful spiritual practices to engage with for continued healing and freedom.
I’m halfway through the book and chapter 5 made me cry, then chapter 6 blew my mind, so yes, I highly recommend! I asked Molly to offer a prayer of blessing to you, my dear SELAH LETTER reader, so please receive her tender words below.
A PRAYER
of Blessing for Shalom, from Molly LaCroix
Blessed are you, burdened by life’s challenges
For God walks with you to lighten your load.
Blessed are you, wondering if God really loves you
For God delights in you, just as you are.
Those things you’ve done that you fear might cause God to turn away
Prompt God to reach out with loving kindness.
God is present, always,
Loving you into wholeness
Leading you to shalom.
May it be so.
“The way we live is profoundly shaped by our picture of God.” - Trevor Hudson, Discovering Your Spiritual Identity
Yes, I wrote about Martin in my January SELAH LETTER too. He is most missed.
Comer said this almost offhandedly on The Resilient Pastor podcast and I had to push pause, rewind, listen again, write it down, and let it sink in. “We become like who we believe God is.” Does that make your brain explode too?
If you need to ponder this one more (another doozy!), I’d love to direct you to a blog post by Emily P. Freeman
Such an encouraging post! Thank you so much for sharing this, Sarah. Someone in a writing group I'm in shared this with all of us today, and we discussed how much we appreciated it on zoom. :) Also, LOVE your office and pictures of your sweet boys!
Great thoughts! So jealous about your office!