No need to rush it or force it or pick up the pace
A few things I'm learning about discerning
Call it wisdom. Call it gut intuition. Call it hearing the voice of God. But when I have a decision or transition in front of me, I need guidance, I want answers, I seek direction for the questions I’m carrying.
In these times, it’s sometimes easy for me to think that the ultimate goal is to know what is best, to choose the right option, to figure out the “one sovereign will of God” (oof!). I want the conclusion, to have the decision made already. Send me a sign! Tell me which way to go! I don’t prefer to sit in the uncomfortable unknown.
You too?
Maybe you're at a crossroads and just don't know what's next.
Maybe you wish you were "ready," but can't seem to take that step.
Maybe you're tired of forcing it or rushing it and need to catch your breath.
If so, today's poem+prayer+practice is for you.
One thing I’m learning about my own process of decision making is that I’m not ready until I’m ready. If I’m feeling squirmy or angsty or over-analyzing the options from every angle, then it usually means it’s just not time to make the decision yet. No amount of forcing or rushing or wishing I was farther along will get me there any faster (husband nods head vigorously).
One of my best discernment practices has surprisingly been to wait for the answer to come to me rather than to aggressively search it out. Or as my sister Marie says, “wait to make the decision until it’s the most obvious decision you can make.”
Of course this doesn’t work with everything and it does still require trust and reflection and wisdom. But the value of slowing our choosing is that it lengthens the discernment period. And that is where the real gifts are hidden.
That murky time between facing a decision and making the decision is where transformation can occur. As much as we may want to get to the other side of the uncomfortable unknown, we would miss out on the deeply formative practice of discernment.
I’m learning there is a big difference between deciding and discerning. Decisions are conclusions, answers, end points. Discernment is a posture of curiosity, of listening, of waiting and paying attention. Discernment is a muscle we can exercise and an ongoing way of being connected to ourselves and to God.
Perhaps the fork in the road ahead of you today is actually an invitation to “let your life speak.”1 Perhaps Jesus is drawing you (and me) into a season of discernment not to cause confusion or frustration but to exercise wisdom and reflection.
Because, as it turns out? All of life is a practice of discernment. Whether we’re making large or small decisions or we’re just living our every day lives, we are continually invited by God into a journey of listening, waiting, and paying attention.
Would you receive today’s poem, practice, and prayer below as a guide to help you exercise your discernment muscles? This is especially for those of us who waffle and waver, who move slower and have a harder time trusting ourselves.
May we know
that we’ll know
what we need to know
when we need to know it.
with peace,
Sarah
“Important as it may be to come to a sense of what God might desire in the moment of decision, a still deeper benefit comes by engaging in discernment. The more one discerns, the more likely it is that one will become a discerning person.”
— Elizabeth Liebert, The Way of Discernment: spiritual practices for decision making
PAUSE
by Sarah Bourns Crosby
You have permission to press pause
Take a minute, take a beat
Think
Breathe
And ask yourself
Is this what you really want?
Or what you truly need?
There’s no need to rush it
You don’t have to push it
Or force it
Or pick up the pace.
If you don’t feel ready
You don’t need to hurry
Or worry
That maybe
You’re in the wrong place.
No
You can wait
You can reevaluate
If it’s just not the right time
Then you won’t be too late.
It’s really okay to stay
Right where you are today,
Since there’s only one of you
And you’re already here
Anyway.
But
If you wish you were already there
Or feel like you’re falling behind
If you’re weak or weary
Or worn out from waiting
Take heart and keep trusting
That God is still writing
A good story
With you and with me.
And maybe we’re all
Right where we’re supposed to be.
Friend,
You have permission to not know.
You have permission to go slow.
You have permission to let yourself grow.
And maybe you won’t know
What you need to know
Until you need to know it.
And maybe there’s a gift
That will only grow
If you slow down and let it.
And maybe when it finally shows up
You’ll be so glad that you waited
And so ready
To receive it.
“The habit of wise choosing requires that we regularly reflect. We need to look back on past choosing and consider what it has to teach us. Sometimes this simply means: know what you already know.”2
Jen P Michel, Know What You Know
A PRACTICE
Excavate a past decision3
If you are currently carrying a question or in a season of discernment, you may consider “mining” the wisdom of a previous decision to help inform the one now in front of you. I took part in this exercise during a training day with Sustainable Faith for my spiritual direction certification and have adapted it here for you. Grab your journal or light a candle and take some moments to pray through these steps.
Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind a past decision you made that could offer you insight for your current question or transition.
Let the memories of the period preceding that decision come before you. Remember the circumstances surrounding it, the emotions, the difficulties or confusion, the excitement or curiosity. Bring to mind the people it impacted, the options you had, and the length of time you took to make the decision. Get a broad sense of what this experience was like for you.
Now recall in a succinct sentence the focus of your question or the kind of discernment you were seeking at that time. “I was discerning…..”
Next, consider the various internal and external resources you engaged with during this discernment season:
-What Scriptures, Biblical stories or spiritual themes connected with you most?
-Whose counsel did you seek out? In what ways? How helpful were they?
-What was your experience of God like in this time? Where did you most sense God’s guidance? What practices (prayer, fasting, solitude, nature etc.) were most significant for you?
-What were your internal movements, the stirrings of your soul? How did you experience your gut intuition? Your feelings and emotions? Your thoughts and instincts?Now, bring to mind how you ultimately felt drawn to the decision you made. What were the main factors you relied on or the criteria you used to come to that conclusion?
Finally, remember what it was like after you made the decision. Did you doubt? Were you sure? How did the following days feel? Even now, how do you reflect upon the impact of that decision in your life? And ultimately, what was the fruit of that season of discernment for you?
“Books and ideas and the counsel of the wise are all well and good, but the main arena for discernment is what we ourselves experience. We can discern the right direction by thoughtful reflection on our relationship with others, on our work in the world, and on the feelings those encounters generate. They are meaningful because God is in them. Our life is the classroom in which the Schoolmaster teaches and guides us.”
-Sparough, Manney, Hipskind, What’s Your Decision: how to make choices with confidence and clarity
A PRAYER
For seasons of discernment
{inhale}
May this decision be an invitation
{exhale}
Into trust and transformation
P.S. FEBRUARY Selah Prayer & Practice:
Join me this Friday, February 21st at 11am EST to further explore the often confusing concept of hearing the voice of God. When facing a decision or transition, how do you know if God is leading? Can you trust your heart? How do you weigh the options and pick the "right" one? (Oh we have a lot to unpack there!) If you wrestle with an inner critic, with voices of shame and should, or you just want some better filters for knowing what Christ sounds like, then this one is for you! REGISTER HERE
Lastly, if you missed our January Prayer & Practice it was a special one. You can watch it at the link below. And for a little more about these monthly gatherings, check out our new home page and subscribe to join us or get the recordings after!
A kind note from a reader (so you know why I love doing these!): ”Thank you for the prayer & practice, Sarah. I have not been able to attend live, but have watched the recordings after. January really was special and your poem moved me to tears. Thank you for these sessions and your wonderful words.”
Let Your Life Speak, by Parker J Palmer, is one of the best on vocational discernment
Jen Pollock Michel just wrote a piece on discernment yesterday! I was so glad to read it while I was working on this one.
I’ll guide us through this exercise during our Prayer & Practice zoom gathering on Friday and offer my own past decision making experience as a case study. Join us!
It’s really okay to stay
Right where you are today,
Since there’s only one of you
And you’re already here
Anyway.
I’m gonna tuck that one in my pocket and hold on to it all day 🥹 thank you!