The Vulnerability of Joy
Well, hello there, happiness. I like you. I do. But I'm a little afraid of you too.
S E L A H L E T T E R
May 2023
Weekend greetings!
I write this to you from my backyard deck where the sunshine is spilling onto my face after a long winter. Recently, I've noticed a new sensation arising in me as I take walks around the neighborhood.
It bubbles up from within when I breathe in the scent of spring. It peeks out from my soul when I'm giggling at my boys rolling around on the floor. It catches me off guard when I lay in the hammock on a warm night.
What is this?
Ah. It's the feeling of sheer delight.
Joy.
Contentment.
Even, abundance.
Well, hello there, happiness.
I like you.
I do.
But.
I'm a little afraid of you, too.
Like, what if it's dangerous to have too much joy because it can be so fragile, so fleeting? Like if the highs are extravagantly high, then the lows will be devastatingly low? Like it all might just be too good to be true? And surely the other shoe will drop soon?
Sometimes we attempt to manage joy like we manage pain. Push it down a little, hold back a bit. Don’t feel too much, don’t want too much, don’t risk too much. Just stay smack dab in the center of the road, walking a safe and steady straight line. Not too far over on either side.
So we run from the extremes and embrace the cautious life somewhere in between.
How about you?
Does profound joy scare you a little, too?
Have you ever thought that maybe if you hold back the good, you could also hold back the bad? (A ridiculous and merciless balancing act).
Dr. Brene Brown says we're not alone, because JOY is actually the most terrifying of all the emotions.
Joy feels deeply vulnerable. Precarious. Foreboding. Fragile. Joy unearths the most tender places within us.
Through the hard and heavy years, I connected most with God in my hurt. But now, He's inviting me to connect with Him in my happiness.
It's not unlike the intimacy I experience with my sons in both their tears and in their laughter. Yes, I love to scoop them up and hold them close when they're sad.
AND. I revel in their squeals of delight and wonder and giddy surprise.
Does God feel this way about me, too?
And, you?
Yes, He is near to the brokenhearted. That I know to be true.
I'm also learning He is near to the full-hearted. To those softening into joy.
To those vulnerably embracing delight.
To those letting the smile spread wide.
In today's poem+practice+prayer, I invite you to open your tender heart to joy.
I wrote this poem as a "note to self," reminding my own soul to receive the fullness of love and life. For me, it certainly hasn’t always felt this way. And I have no illusions it always will.
But it does today.
So I want to soak it in... allllll the way.
And yet, if that feels impossible for you right now, may you hope in the gift of future joy.
If it’s more of a season of want than plenty, would you tuck this away for a rainy day and trust that it won't always feel this way?
And, now, here's to joy (both today and to come).
with you,
Sarah
A P O E M
Note to Self
When you find your heart as full as your hands
And your hands as full as your days
I hope you stand back in wonder
I hope you look up in praise.
When the tears of joy brim over
I hope you let them fall
And when the smile spreads across your face
I hope you savor it all.
When you find yourself in a season of harvest,
Overflowing, gathering, and receiving,
I hope you remember the plowing, planting and pruning
That prepared you for this season of reaping.
When you look back at a year of plenty
I hope you honor those years of want.
And when you look around and see much
And more
And many
I hope you let yourself be fully content.
When you catch your breath in awe
And when your heart skips a beat
I hope you open wide your hands
I hope you drink it down deep.
When you fear that this beauty is fleeting
Or worry it’s too good to be true
I hope you stop and stare into their faces
And let the goodness wash over you.
And when you finally find that it’s all sinking in
I hope you don’t push it away
But fully believe it
And wholly receive it
As a generous gift of grace.
Listen to me read this poem here :)
A P R A C T I C E
Your Note to Self
Whether you're in a season of fullness or of lack, how would you invite your tender soul to embrace joy (or the hope of future joy) in all its glory.
Write yourself a note for now or for later, gently coaching your heart to soften into the feelings of sheer delight, deep gratitude, and pure happiness.
You can use my poem as a "madlib" and fill in your own hopes, desires, and encouragements. (But it sure doesn't need to rhyme, I can't help myself, it's a problem...)
Capture some photos of what JOY looks like for you these days and let it soak all the way in.
A P R A Y E R
of blessing for joy
May you, who have gone out
Sowing sorrow as seeds
One day return
Holding hope for your grief.
May the burdens you buried
In this deep, dark soil
Become the blessings you carry
A fulfillment of joy.
May you who have planted with pain
And watered with weeping
Bravely wait for that day,
When you look up to see,
A great harvest for reaping.
May it be so.
*Psalm 126, Sarah's Poetic Version ;)
It's such a joy for me to join you here. And I always love hearing from you too, so don't hesitate to reply and say hi. What's bringing you delight?
Until next time, may you lean toward the light!
~Sarah